Fandom: Hard Core Logo

Pairing: Billy/male

Notes: This is a little self-indulgent vignette that sprang into my head after listening to the song, I Remember The Year That Clayton Delaney Died by Tom T. Hall. I never posted it anywhere but here after I wrote it. Songfic, I guess you'd call it, sort of.

I Remember

A. Kite (March 2005)

I remember the day I heard that Billy Tallent was dead. It was kind of pathetic. After all he'd done, all places he'd been and all the way he could have died. He got run down crossing the street. It was rather ignominious.

I was just a punk kid the first time I saw Billy. He was the lead guitarist in a band, Hard Core Logo. I snuck into a few of their shows when they played in Vancouver. I thought Billy was a hero. The best thrash guitarist ever. Him being stewed to the gills on liquor or dope didn't seem to matter. I wanted to be just like him.

One time, I hitchhiked to Kamloops to hear him play. I never even got into the club that time. All that effort to get there, and they wouldn't even let me in. I hung around anyway and bought a tape and a t-shirt before I caught a ride home. Got grounded for a month for that stunt.

I was pissed off at him for years. When he left Hard Core Logo, I didn't understand it. How the hell could he just walk out? I know now why, but I didn't get it then. I was just a kid.

I was legal by the time the Rock Against Guns benefit happened. You'd better believe I was there that night. Billy was getting famous by then. Played with Jenifur at Lollapalooza and maybe getting a contract to make it a permanent thing. I was over being mad at him by then. I was just happy to be there at the triumphant reunion. We all know how that came out.

I wasn't in Edmonton the night that Joe Dick did his thing. I'm glad I wasn't. I stood in the back at his funeral, though, and followed the few who went out in the rain to the cemetery. I didn't say anything or bring any attention to myself at the time.

Billy went back to L.A. after that. He played with Jenifur for a couple of years. Until that band blew apart, like they almost always do. In the meantime, I was getting around myself. In one band and then another, still learning how to play.

Then one night I came off stage after the last set, and there he was. Standing at the bar drinking a bottle of water. I was pretty high after playing and headed over to the bar myself. I got a beer and leaned back against the bar. Billy came over to me. He said, "Hey, you're pretty good."

All of a sudden I was a kid again. I wasn't sure what to say. I kind of ducked my head and said, "Thanks, man."

"You want to cut out of here and go jam somewhere?"

Not being a total fool, I answered, "Fuck, yeah."

He lit a cigarette as soon as we cleared the door. I wrinkled my nose at the smell. Billy grinned back around the butt in his mouth and said, "One addiction at a time, eh?"

As many nights as I sat and jammed with Billy, I'll never forget that first night. Billy taught me so much. Not just about how to play guitar, about life and love too.

He used to tell me, "Kid, don't ever sell out. The big time ain't all it's cracked up to be."

I guess I don't have to say that I was in love with the guy. Billy loved me too, in his own way. Tough love, is that what they call it? He never hit me, though. Yeah, he got mad. Threw himself around the room and swore a blue streak, but he never hit me, as stupid as I was sometimes.

Even after that part of it was over, we stayed in touch. I'd get little notes from him. A line or two of encouragement in that chicken scratch writing of his in the margin of a newspaper review of whatever band I was playing with. They meant the world to me.

I was down in L.A. myself when I got the word about Billy. At least he went peacefully. That's what they told me anyway. He was in a coma for a few days and never regained consciousness. He just stopped breathing and died.

I drove out to the beach and sat there until it got dark and cold. I cried. Why Billy came back to Vancouver, why he chose me, I'll never know, but I'm glad he did.